I love teaching

I love teaching.

This evening I watched one of my favorite films, "The Emperor's Club."  Being that the movie revolves around a virtuous, much-beloved teacher, and that the ache of my heart is to be a great teacher, it strikes a chord deep within me.  It is a movie that plows through so many themes and deep issues, it provokes me anew each time I see it.  At parts of the film, I find myself filled with longing, and at other times, I find myself literally in tears.  

At the outset of the film, the teacher is standing in front of his class on the first day of school.  He is teaching Western Civilization at a private prep school, teaching the next generation of America's leaders.  He declares boldly that, "Great ambition and conquest, without contribution, is without significance.  What will your contribution be?  How will history remember you?"

As I stand in front of my small class, a small part of a school that we could hardly call prestigious (yet), I wonder whether I communicate such profound truths to my class.  I wonder whether I challenge them enough, both academically and ethically.  What kinds of people will they become?  What role do I play in this?

I don't know if other teachers go through this... this... agonizing, but I do.  Will my dear students make an impact?  Will they realize even a portion of their potential for the glory of our Lord?  Will they serve their fellow man?  Will they leave the world a better place for their having lived?  

I find myself worried that some will try to find their happiness in money, instead of in the presence of the One who is the fountainhead of all joy.  I worry that they will seek after fame, for fame's sake, and never defer the honor they receive to the One who deserves all honor and glory and praise.  I worry that they will surrender to the sense-dulling rush of the modern world, instead of being still and knowing who is Lord.  

It boils down to that simple question, you know...  namely, "Who is Lord?"  In my thinking, that is really what that teacher is asking in his questions.  Who are you serving?  If you serve yourself, you can only ever be ambitious and proud.  The odds of such a person contributing much of anything is slim.  By definition, they only take.  

This all may sound preachy.  It may even sound accusatory.  It may feel as though I am pointing my long, bony finger at my class, but that is so far from the truth.  Instead, I feel the uncomfortable impress of these questions on my own heart each day.  What is my contribution?  

It is here that the plot thickens, because to achieve the greatest effect, it can not be my effort at all.  The largest contribution that I can make is letting the Lord work through me.  I must be ever vigilant so that I do not chase after vanity, but serve as a conduit for a Greater Mind.  "Though a grain of wheat fall and die..."

So do you see my conundrum now?  I agonize over what actions I can take, what words I can speak, to help my students see past themselves.  In so doing, am I so self absorbed that I cripple the process before it begins?

Sigh.

I love teaching.