Teaching... Part 1

What is teaching? What does it mean “to teach?”

In some fashion, I have spent more than 20 years of my life trying to answer just these questions. That is, SO FAR, I have spent more than 20 years trying to figure this out.

The irony is that I have carried this burden since before I really, actually had any inkling of what was involved. When I was probably about 8 or 9, I began to feel that I wanted to be a teacher. Sure, I was a public school kid, and I had already experienced the classroom with several different teachers. However, this wasn’t just the feeling that “Gee, teachers sure are nice! That’s what I wanna be!”

Instead, as much as I can remember, it was natural. It just seemed like a shoe that fit. It was a sort of confident assumption, something that could not be reasoned but was surely true.

Years passed, many people in many ways reinforced this. Sometimes, I told them I wanted to be a teacher and they would say something like, “That fits you. I’ll bet you’ll be a good one.” Or at other times, people would listen to me or talk with me, and then suggest, “You know, you should be a teacher.”

My gifting and interests also reinforced this vocation. I have a quick mind, and I read well, with a strong memory. I am naturally confident in front of a group (or at least I can appear that way), and I can usually explain pretty complex things in a way most folks can chew on. It seems like the stuff of teaching, no?

So, yes, I am pretty sure that I am a teacher at heart. But this still doesn’t exactly answer our question… namely, what is teaching?

To be........ me.

Have you ever struggled with who you are?  

Tough question, isn't it?  I have been spending parts of these past few years really trying to figure this out.  No, I don't suffer from schizophrenia (I think), but I find myself trying to get down to who I am... and who I am made to be.

At the first, I found myself struggling with what I would do for a living.  This seems a sad way to define who I am, though.  Many, or possibly most, of us work at jobs that may be less than ideal, but they keep us fed.  The vocation may not match the deepest hungers of the heart, so the job fits like an ill-tailored suit.

 

I began to consider who I am in some Theological sense.  Yes, I am a son of the Living God.  Yes, I am forgiven... redeemed...  etc...  In some ways, this helped, but it still didn't really hit the bulls-eye.  It seemed like that didn't quite answer the question that my soul was asking.  

Then, I began to look at the various roles that I play.  You know, I am a husband, a father, brother, son, and the like.  Here again, it helped lend clarity to some priorities, and it even broadened my perspective a bit.  Suddenly, I felt like my life was more multi-faceted... not just two dimensional.  

However, this still did not seem like it alleviated this nagging feeling...  This was getting closer to the definition or clarity I was looking for, but it still wasn't quite it.  

I think that the answer was made more clear when I considered why the Lord had made me.  No, I am not looking for some general, sweeping declaration that covers all of humanity.  You know, "to know/love God and enjoy Him forever" or some such thing.  Instead, I wanted to find just what this great Being... this God person...  had in mind when he crafted this Patrick guy in particular.  

It is in answering this question that I begin to find my answer.  It is personal.  It is about me.  It is about me in an ultimate sense.  Just why am I here?  What is MY purpose?

Well, this answer is multifaceted, and pretty tangled up.  I have to wrestle with Providence, experience, Fate (?), destiny (?), Free Will, Personality, (Spiritual) Genetics, all of it.  How does this all weave together?  What does my particular tapestry look like?   

Let me tell you that if you think I have this one completely figured out, I don't.  I am not quite there.  I may never quite reach that degree of certainty.  Maybe it changes over time...?  I don't know.  If you have read this far in search of some code or formula to help you figure out your own purpose...  I may have disappointed you.  Maybe I should have written a disclaimer at the beginning of this entry.      

But alas, this Blog is not about cookie-cutter answers.  Nor is it about giving advice, necessarily.  It is certainly not about giving advice on cookie cutting!!!  It is about me, being me, so that maybe you and I can be really us together.  

While I may not have this whole purpose thing wrapped into a tight little box with a bow, the picture is in sharper focus now.  I know that I was made to teach, to be a teacher.  It is arduous, but it is me being me.  I know that I was made to marry my wife, Mrs. Dirthead.  

I know that I was made to be the father of my kids, and that without me, they would not be who they are.  Ironically, without them, I would not be who I am...  Hmmm... put that in your pipe and smoke it!

     

What about the rest?  Well, I don't know.  Maybe I have sliced the bologna too thin here, and it is all semantics, and it approaches absurdity.  Maybe I chase my own tail....   or my personal white whales...  

But maybe it all revolves around trying to understand who I am in light of my own, personal Creator.  This path transcends theory, or abstraction.  It is specific and experiential.  Isn't that what all of our experiences, our opinions, our understanding... really amount to?  Isn't this life as we really encounter it, and not in the way that scholars debate it in smoky parlors?  

And that is what I want to know, to do, to feel.  Life.  Full and true.  A struggle though it may be, but it is worth the sweat and blood.  To be........   me.

A Warm Welcome

Friends,

Thank you for stopping into my Blog.  I feel that I must begin with several confessions and disclaimers.  

First, this is my first blog.  (Blush.)  In fact, I have only ever read a few blogs, and those have been on varying topics of varying value.  If you see any glaring deficiencies which expose me to the world as a blog virgin (Blush, Blush), let me know.  PM, email, whatever...  

Second, I have begun this blog somewhat against my will.  Oh, I haven't a gun to my head or anything, but I have had several people ask me to begin this.  Some have asked for deep insight into the art of writing, or Modernity, or literature, or the Holy Scriptures.  I am not sure that I am up for any of them, but here is a place for us to come and share with each other.

Third, I expect all responses or replies to maintain respectful tones and appropriate language.  We can be real (I hope), and we can even agree to disagree about whatever we begin here.  However, do not be vulgar, crass, or blatantly disrespectful to fellow bloggers.  That will get you run off my blog on a shutter.  We can express disapproval or disagreement in civil terms.  

Fourth, I hunger for real interaction here.  Anyone who knows me knows that I like to talk.  That said, on this blog, I am also hungry to listen.  We may not come down to solid understanding on every issue or idea.  We may never agree.  You may not change my mind.  Fine.  Let us reason together.  Let us "feel" together.  Let's be real together.

In the immortal words of Big John McCarthy...  "Let's Get It On!!"