"Something I Can Never Have"

“I still recall the taste of your tears…..”

The words quietly ring out…. stark… full of aching desperation…

This version is especially poignant and real. Stripped down from the studio track, bare, just like the lyrics… which is why I chose this to share. Just a handful of notes… and a voice…

How can you NOT listen to a song that starts with a line like that? Doesn’t that draw you, in some primal way, by its’ honesty? Maybe for me, as I try to cultivate a writer’s eye… try to understand myself… I seek out things like this that are so… real… so that I might take something from it.

I might catch a certain mood, and dwell in it for a while… trying to step outside myself to think about my own thoughts. I might try to empathize with the song… trying to picture such a figure… trying to write about this person… seeing if I can capture in words what is being communicated in the song…

Other times, it may just suit my mood. It may also give me a vessel to emote feelings that I know are festering, and unexpressed. It might give me an opportunity to cry, or laugh, or feed the flames of burning determination… to lift up my soul to higher things in the midst of the mundane. It gives me an outlet for something within me… another conduit for expression... using someone else's words.

Coming back to this NIN clip. Though Reznor is not an overly positive, uplifting songwriter, I am drawn to his honesty. Sometimes, life is not interested in lifting you up, or making you feel like a million bucks. It isn’t ALL storm clouds, but it is certainly not ALL sunny skies, either. Since life is multi-faceted, I want to share a similar selection of music and thoughts.

Something that has stayed with me these years, even when I have not listened to NIN, is the desperate power, the longing of his words that somehow resonate within me. The voice. The tone. The words. You might feel that, as well, when you hear it. It might be haunting. It might create an ache in you. You might find yourself “experiencing” the music in some way… at least, that is what I think the artist would expect.

So, give it a listen… and feel free to share what you think about it….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEW8riKU_tE

"Hurt" LIve

I would imagine that this will be a surprising post for some people to see here........

Well, there was a dark time in my life where I was quite the NIN fan. This song was one of my favorites back in those days, as it grabbed me with its' visceral emotionalism. To be honest, it also laid bare my own pain and hurts... so listening and singing along was almost a therapy for me... You know, singing a song in the first person, pretending that it isn't really about you, just a song...?

While I am not in that dark place anymore, I still feel the power, the stark honesty of this song. It echoes of feelings and doubts that I am not sure I would be brave enough to sing out to others... even now. In fact, the intensity and mood sound like a lament Psalm in their way... at least, how I imagine those old Psalms...

Funny how the Bible does not dance around raw emotion. Instead, we see the entire human condition laid bare.. uncomfortably bare. However, we find ourselves being somehow embarrassed or terrified of such pure emotion. At least, I probably feel that way much of the time....

This particular version is especially good, being so stripped down and intimate (although Cash's version is really amazing, too). In fact, I debated about posting Cash's version, but felt like I would let Trent Reznor sing his own song, instead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cefrrdRUid4

Life and... Elton John?

You know, life is funny sometimes, isn't it?  There are times that are deathly serious; times which defy humor.  Other times, we are caught unawares by a silly moment.  I suppose it is under this auspice that I follow up such a heartfelt entry with one that is more light-hearted.

I was feeling particularly nostalgic, so I decided to do a couple of searches on YouTube.  Some times, I search for events which I remember from years gone by...  I can't always say why I do this exactly, except that maybe I am trying to recapture something (hence the nostalgia).  At times, I look for speeches, newscasts, songs, videos, movie clips...  just to dive into the past.  Maybe, in the great tradition of all humanity, I am trying to make some sense of my experiences through reliving them somehow.

This said, I came across some Elton John videos on the 'Tube.  Yes, back in the day, I was quite the Elton John fan.  Of my CD collection, a very large portion consisted of Elton's works.  The songwriting (especially when our man Reg teamed up with his pal Bernie), and, of course, the terrific voice coupled to produce some of my favorite songs.  Even after ten years or more of not hearing them, I found myself singing along step for step.  Yes, I sang with Elton.  I am comfortable admitting that.

One of my favorite albums was "Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy."  This title track, shortened, was my computer password for 4 years...  I literally hummed it to myself nearly every time I logged on.  The story of Sir Elton's friendship with Bernie Taupin, it is a fun song with a certain defiant tone.  

The final track, "Curtains," is still one of my favorite songs of all time.  It is so beautiful and wistful.  It draws us back through time, to young love, to emotion so pure that it is almost embarrassing in the cynical eyes of adulthood.  I hadn't heard this in... about 10 years, and picked it right up.  "A once upon a time..."

In fact, what really stunned me about "Curtains" was that the alternative/grunge band Alice In Chains did a cover of it!  Whoa.  It was actually pretty good.  

But I will tell you this...  if you have never heard the Live in Australia album, wherein Elton performs with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (1986)...  well, I just don't know what to tell you about that.  Your heart is cold.  It is marvelous.  Terrific.  Ya oughta give it a listen.  

I am really not kidding about this.  Out of all the CD's I have ever heard, in any genre, it may well be my favorite album.  It is pretty "wow" stuff.  The songs themselves are great.  The symphony is amazing.  Elton brings it.  

Just look at the song list.  "60 years on" recounts an aged soldier... a veteran of a terrible war, looking at the end of his life in despair.  "I need you to turn to" may be one of the most amazing love songs of modern music, but it gets little press.  Speaking of quintessential love songs, this rendition of "Your Song" is marvelous.  His voice has that sincere gravelly sound to it... with an orchestra behind it.  

"Tonight," the song of a broken hearted lover, is a masterpiece.  It tells of a man trying to reach out to a bitter lover, looking for peace and reconciliation.  A man desperate for some sign that this love may be healed.  I don't know exactly why, but the love songs that bespeak of hardship or long suffering seem more true somehow.  "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" follows this same vein.

In his introduction to "The Greatest Discovery," Elton tells us that the lyrics to this song are among his favorites.  As we "watch" a little boy meeting his new baby brother for the first time, we marvel along with him.  It is beautiful.  

These are not the only songs on this particular album...  but this gives a taste.  The album runs the gamut of emotion...  sorrow, joy, alienation, despair, hope, love, foreboding, whimsy...  it's there.  Of course, it is all performed by one of our generation's best singer-songwriters...  did I mention that he performs with an orchestra?  

Why share this exactly?  Maybe I wanted to see how many friends I have that will actually still be talking to me after I admit how much I like Elton John!  I dunno.  I just know that this album almost always takes my breath away when I hear it.  I find myself singing along and even shedding a tear...  it is rich stuff.

Maybe that's just how life is.